Bonita G. Para, MS, Mediator
Serving Broward, Palm Beach & Miami Dade Counties


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Brett Michaels Suing CBS for 2009 Accident at Tonys

The following was posted on Bing this morning:
"The bandanna-rockin' Bret Michaels filed a lawsuit Friday against CBS and the Tony Awards for a head injury he sustained during a Tonys performance in June 2009. . . . . . . (Click on "read more" below)



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Conflict Resolution Tip: Difference in Values Create Conflict

A friend expressed concern about how being political polar opposites has negatively affected her relationships in the past. Having any opinion is based on our perceptions, values and world view. When differences arise, regardless of the subject, we may take it personally when others disagree with us. After all, our values and world views are our truths. Disagreeing with our opinions can feel threatening and may undercut our confidence and belief in our own values. That could be scary and lead to arguments defending your position. Don't get me wrong, a good argument can be stimulating and create good solutions for people who fight fairly. However, people who get drawn into arguments about values-based issues, who want to impose their values on others, usually create a lose/lose outcome.

If you want to argue a values-based issue, be careful. Be a good speaker and educate the other about your opinion rather than try to persuade them to validate your opinion. Be a good listener and let them educate you. Who knows, one of you might actually change your opinion after you have listened respectfully and explored the other's value. In any case, whenever you are of an opposing opinion, enter the conversation from a learning stance. Keep an open mind, be a good listener and ask questions that will help them to educate you about their opposing point of view.

Divorce Mediation: UpToParents

Up To Parents is a wonderful organization that stresses the importance of keeping your children safe and healthy during your divorce process. I encourage all parents, even those not divorcing to visit this site. There are exercises to work through,if you like, but you don't have to do them to view the site. Lots of important resources for parents that also stress and encourage placing the best interests of the children first. They have a lot of material on preparing for mediation in the divorce process and this helps people put their situation in perspective and create realistic goals for mediation and agreement making. Visit their site at: http//www.uptoparents.com

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Workplace/Business Mediation: Conflict! What an Opportunity!

Conflict is a fact of life in most organizations! We can’t escape it and we may not want to when we think about the benefits and opportunity conflict provides. Benefits of conflict? Opportunities? If we think about conflict in this way, it becomes a welcomed signal that something within our organizational system is broken and needs our attention or that what used to work is no longer meeting the needs of the organization. Recognizing and managing conflict is sometimes hard to do, but it gives us an opportunity to do some creative thinking and correct difficult situations before they negatively impact us. (Click on "read more" below)


Monday, March 21, 2011

A New Car Dilemma

My friend emailed me today and asked that I address their situation in this blog. They are in disagreement about buying a new car.

Spouse A wants to buy; Spouse B does not want to spend the money. Money can be the biggest deal breakers for marriage. Spending it when there is disagreement can build resentment and not spending it when it is necessary can create the same thing. I would suggest they talk about this in depth. The main questions to address are:

What is the need? Is the need real or imagined? Will purchasing a new car bring benefits or make their lives better? And, What are the financial consequences or benefits of spending the money? These questions should address both parties' interests and add clarity to their discussion.

Concerning the need, Spouse A would need to reveal the underlying interest in purchasing a new car. Spouse B would need to reveal the underlying fear of spending the money. All this can be very good, but will not work unless they truly listen to each other and consider each other's position on the subject. They need to keep their minds open to being educated about the need and the fear.

Maybe the most important question to ask is how they will feel six months from now if they don't buy a car and how they will feel if they do buy a new car.

Any other strategies you'd like to add, Readers?

Charlie Sheen Remarks Unbecoming

Charlie Sheen is the perfect example of an employee whose remarks to the public got him in trouble with his bosses. He seemed to think that he was invulnerable to their power over his future and that they worked for him. What he and many other employees think is that they are more valuable to their employers than they actually are.

Like Charlie, many employees who are dissatisfied become vocal and keep digging the hole deeper as they try to win sympathy from others. In fact, their comments begin to polarize everyone around them including their bosses who almost always find out about the badmouthing.

When push comes to shove, it's best to keep your remarks to yourself and do what you have to do to either keep your job, make your job situation happier and more satisfying or leave gracefully and with your dignity in tact without burning bridges. Remember, that a slap in the face to your employer can become a barrier to advancing in your chosen career.

Friday, March 18, 2011

New Practice in South Florida

Please visit my new website at: www.bonitapara.com. I have recently moved to south Florida and am starting my mediation practice in Hollywood. I will provide all the services I had in Washington State.

I will be concentrating on business and workplace dispute. Business mediation will be between businesses in conflict and workplace will focus on internal interpersonal and professional dispute. Workplace complaint resolution and grievance mediation is offered.

Also offered is mediation for couples, heterosexual and same-sex, who are experiencing difficulty and would like to shift the focus from counseling and therapy to agreement making.

Because so many families find themselves in conflict, I also offer internal family mediation to help intact families resolve their disputes. This is for family members who are fighting over issues threatening the cohesiveness of their family ties.

Divorce mediation is offered along with developing parenting plans that focus on the child's well being and health. We will assist in modifications to parenting plans also as the needs of the child or children change.

Conflict coaching is offered for those on one side of an issue. This coaching develops conflict communication skills, problem solving competency and the ability to analyze and develop solutions.

Training in conflict management and resolution is offered and may be tailored to your needs. Call 954-668-1539 for more information or use the link to my website.