Have you ever thought about the way you naturally react when you are in conflict? We do have a choice. Typically, we behave differently in each dispute as determined by the situation. For instance, when a difference of opinion arises with an employer, we may choose to discuss it calmly because of the inequality inherent in the employer-employee relationship. On a more level playing field with a spouse or friend, we may argue the differences more assertively.
There are five generally recognized categories of conflict behavior.
The Competitor has high regard for winning at any cost with low regard for the relationship. The winner loses when the relationship is damaged, but may not care. The Collaborator has high regard for making sure everyone is satisfied with the outcome and that relationships are not damaged as a result of conflict. This creates a win-win. Compromiser gets only a portion of what they need while giving the rest away in order to maintain the relationship. This can breed resentment in the relationship leading to other disputes. The Accommodator, has low regard for and ignores their own needs, while having high regard for and maintaining relationships by satisfying the needs of others. The Accommodator may be viewed as easily manipulated. The Avoider has low regard for meeting their own and others’ needs and has low regard for maintaining relationships. Those who avoid, help to maintain and escalate conflict by not addressing it.
Each conflict behavior is appropriate depending on the situation and the value of the relationship. If you are physically threatened, it is likely a better choice to be an Avoider than a Competitor. In conflict situations, it is wise to assess the importance of maintaining the relationship with the other party while at the same time having your needs met. This can become your criteria for choosing conflict behaviors appropriate to the situation.
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