Hollywood, Florida Budget Crunch

Chime in on the best way to address the issues facing the City of Hollywood. They are trying to negotiate wage and benefit cuts with three unions. What can they do?

Parent/Teen Mediation

Teens often struggle to make life choices and establish their separate identities as they mature. As parents we know this can create immeasurable angst and strain family ties. Parent/teen mediation can bring parents and teens together in an environment that encourages and supports communication and balances power which is often the barrier to parent/teen communication. Mediation allows people to communicate, negotiate and craft agreements that are mutually acceptable. Some of the common sources of dispute between parents and teens according to North Star Youth Court and Youth Mediation in Fairbanks, AK, are: 

Conflict question: How do you think Bin Laden's death will affect the war on terrorism?

I believe that there are many who want to take his place. Hopefully, the in-fighting will weaken Al Qaeda, but we will have to see.

The culture of terrorism is difficult for the Western world to understand and I believe this has been the downfall of countries now fighting it. Until the world powers understand that they have to go beyond taking defensive measures against terrorism, we will continue to have to walk through metal detectors, be sniffed by bomb detecting dogs and be living in a dangerous world.

The covert operation that killed Bin Laden is more the type of operation that terrorists can understand. It was secretive as they are and used the utmost force and determination as they do. Hopefully, this show of an in kind tactic will send a strong message to terrorists the world over that the United States will no longer just defend itself from their abuse, but will use powerful offensive tactics to undermine them and destroy this scourge on humanity.

Workplace Conflict: Have you ever had a conflict in the workplace and if so, what did you do about it?

Let's hear about your experience with workplace conflict. What happened and what did you do about it?

Conflict Resolution Tip: Fight or Flight? Try Assertiveness!

Watch this video! It gives you a great way to assert yourself and stand up to others when necessary.

Conflict Resolution tip: Using words to satisfy your needs

 If we can state our needs in a way that others can grasp and understand, it is much easier to get our message across and create understanding. This is true not only in conflict situations, but in everyday life. Watch the following video to see what I mean.

Conflict Question: Did Terry Jones Get What He Wanted When He Burned the Quran?

Terry Jones, the Florida pastor who threatened to burn a copy of the Quran on the anniversary of 9/11 last year, followed through with his threat last week. Anyone following the news knows what happened to 24 people in Afghanistan following the book burning. He reported that he had to take a stand and be a risk taker as were our founding fathers, the first Christians and Martin Luther King, Jr.

Did Terry Jones get what he wanted when he burned the Quran?  Let us know what you think about this.

Meatloaf Freaks Out on Celebrity Apprentice

Okay, I admit that I have fallen prey to the Donald. I have been watching Celebrity Apprentice this season, for no other reason than to see how Nene Leakes handles the competition. The celebrity "Housewife" is known for her blatant attacks on others who disagree with her. Her non-stop yelling bouts are what drives the drama on her show and makes her stand out in the cast. But last night, it was Meatloaf, the famous rock star and real celebrity who stole the show.

Conflict Resolution Tip: Conflict Behaviors Determine Outcome

Have you ever thought about the way you naturally react when you are in conflict? We do have a choice. Typically, we behave differently in each dispute as determined by the situation. For instance, when a difference of opinion arises with an employer, we may choose to discuss it calmly because of the inequality inherent in the employer-employee relationship. On a more level playing field with a spouse or friend, we may argue the differences more assertively.

There are five generally recognized categories of conflict behavior.

Brett Michaels Suing CBS for 2009 Accident at Tonys

The following was posted on Bing this morning:

"The bandanna-rockin' Bret Michaels filed a lawsuit Friday against CBS and the Tony Awards for a head injury he sustained during a Tonys performance in June 2009. . . . . . . (Click on "read more" below)

Conflict Resolution Tip: Difference in Values Create Conflict

A friend expressed concern about how being political polar opposites has negatively affected her relationships in the past. Having any opinion is based on our perceptions, values and world view. When differences arise, regardless of the subject, we may take it personally when others disagree with us. After all, our values and world views are our truths. Disagreeing with our opinions can feel threatening and may undercut our confidence and belief in our own values. That could be scary and lead to arguments defending your position. Don't get me wrong, a good argument can be stimulating and create good solutions for people who fight fairly. However, people who get drawn into arguments about values-based issues, who want to impose their values on others, usually create a lose/lose outcome.

If you want to argue a values-based issue, be careful. Be a good speaker and educate the other about your opinion rather than try to persuade them to validate your opinion. Be a good listener and let them educate you. Who knows, one of you might actually change your opinion after you have listened respectfully and explored the other's value. In any case, whenever you are of an opposing opinion, enter the conversation from a learning stance. Keep an open mind, be a good listener and ask questions that will help them to educate you about their opposing point of view.

Divorce Mediation: UpToParents

Up To Parents is a wonderful organization that stresses the importance of keeping your children safe and healthy during your divorce process. I encourage all parents, even those not divorcing to visit this site. There are exercises to work through,if you like, but you don't have to do them to view the site. Lots of important resources for parents that also stress and encourage placing the best interests of the children first. They have a lot of material on preparing for mediation in the divorce process and this helps people put their situation in perspective and create realistic goals for mediation and agreement making. Visit their site at: http//www.uptoparents.com

Workplace/Business Mediation: Conflict! What an Opportunity!

Conflict is a fact of life in most organizations! We can’t escape it and we may not want to when we think about the benefits and opportunity conflict provides. Benefits of conflict? Opportunities? If we think about conflict in this way, it becomes a welcomed signal that something within our organizational system is broken and needs our attention or that what used to work is no longer meeting the needs of the organization. Recognizing and managing conflict is sometimes hard to do, but it gives us an opportunity to do some creative thinking and correct difficult situations before they negatively impact us. (Click on "read more" below)

A New Car Dilemma

My friend emailed me today and asked that I address their situation in this blog. They are in disagreement about buying a new car.

Spouse A wants to buy; Spouse B does not want to spend the money. Money can be the biggest deal breakers for marriage. Spending it when there is disagreement can build resentment and not spending it when it is necessary can create the same thing. I would suggest they talk about this in depth. The main questions to address are:

What is the need? Is the need real or imagined? Will purchasing a new car bring benefits or make their lives better? And, What are the financial consequences or benefits of spending the money? These questions should address both parties' interests and add clarity to their discussion.

Concerning the need, Spouse A would need to reveal the underlying interest in purchasing a new car. Spouse B would need to reveal the underlying fear of spending the money. All this can be very good, but will not work unless they truly listen to each other and consider each other's position on the subject. They need to keep their minds open to being educated about the need and the fear.

Maybe the most important question to ask is how they will feel six months from now if they don't buy a car and how they will feel if they do buy a new car.

Any other strategies you'd like to add, Readers?

Charlie Sheen Remarks Unbecoming

Charlie Sheen is the perfect example of an employee whose remarks to the public got him in trouble with his bosses. He seemed to think that he was invulnerable to their power over his future and that they worked for him. What he and many other employees think is that they are more valuable to their employers than they actually are.

Like Charlie, many employees who are dissatisfied become vocal and keep digging the hole deeper as they try to win sympathy from others. In fact, their comments begin to polarize everyone around them including their bosses who almost always find out about the badmouthing.

When push comes to shove, it's best to keep your remarks to yourself and do what you have to do to either keep your job, make your job situation happier and more satisfying or leave gracefully and with your dignity in tact without burning bridges. Remember, that a slap in the face to your employer can become a barrier to advancing in your chosen career.

New Practice in South Florida

Please visit my new website at: www.bonitapara.com. I have recently moved to south Florida and am starting my mediation practice in Hollywood. I will provide all the services I had in Washington State.

I will be concentrating on business and workplace dispute. Business mediation will be between businesses in conflict and workplace will focus on internal interpersonal and professional dispute. Workplace complaint resolution and grievance mediation is offered.

Also offered is mediation for couples, heterosexual and same-sex, who are experiencing difficulty and would like to shift the focus from counseling and therapy to agreement making.

Because so many families find themselves in conflict, I also offer internal family mediation to help intact families resolve their disputes. This is for family members who are fighting over issues threatening the cohesiveness of their family ties.

Divorce mediation is offered along with developing parenting plans that focus on the child's well being and health. We will assist in modifications to parenting plans also as the needs of the child or children change.

Conflict coaching is offered for those on one side of an issue. This coaching develops conflict communication skills, problem solving competency and the ability to analyze and develop solutions.

Training in conflict management and resolution is offered and may be tailored to your needs. Call 954-668-1539 for more information or use the link to my website.